13 January 2007

10 Reasons Why...

I wouldn't normally do this but this was too good to pass up. This was from the JollyBlogger:

1. Calvinists tend to wear wool and cotton. Dispensationalists tend to wear lime-green polyester leisure suits.
2. John Calvin was French...being French is very chic.
3. Calvin sounds like Calvin Klein...and his clothes are very chic.
4. Calvinists can drink.
5. Calvinists can smoke.
6. Dispensationalists are into prophecy conferences where they talk about Star-Trek eschatology and the mark of the Beast. Calvinists have conferences on "life and culture", art, social justice, and other high- brow things like that. Afterwards, we go to the local pub and talk about philosophy over a pint of Bass ale.
7. Calvinists have close ties with Scotland and Scotland is very cool: you know --Sean Connery, the movie Highlander, Bagpipes, the Loch Ness Monster, Glenlivet 18 year old Scotch, the movie Train Spotting, Brave Heart, etc.
8. Calvinists think we are smarter than anybody else.
9. It is more socially acceptable to say, "I go to Grace Presbyterian Church" than to say, "I go to Washed In The Blood Worship Center", "I go to Sonlife Charismatic Believers Assembly", or to say "I go to Boston Berean Bible Believing Baptist Bethel", or to say "I go to the Latter-Day- Rain Deliverance Tabernacle Prophecy Center, Inc.", or to say "I go to the Philadelphia Church of the Majority Text", or to say "I go to the Lithuanian Apostolic Orthodox Autocephalic Church of the Baltic union of 1838".
10. Ultimately, I am a Calvinist because I had no choice in the matter.

Why Premillennialist, Pretribulationist, Revivalist, Independent Baptists are way cooler than...the rest of you:
10) nifty charts
9) how long can *you* keep up "Have Thine Own Way, Lord"?
8) our pastors wore retro before retro was cool, and now that it's cool they're still not cool, which makes us *way* less worldly than you compromisers.
7) revival preachers: more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
6) we shred our rock tapes when we get "convicted" as teens, then grow up and buy the CDs, which helps the economy.
5) Arminius in the pulpit, Calvin in the classroom--it's like beer with Coke, if we drank beer, which we don't.
4) Jesus would have *loved* Welch's if He'd ever tasted it.
3) the King James Version was good enough for John the Baptist--who needs the ESV?
2) we know "as the deer panteth for the waters, so my soul longeth after Thee" can't be followed with "You alone are my heart's desire"; it should be "Thou alone art my heart's desire," but if you do that--why not just sing a hymn?
1) No third verses. Ever.

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